When I was about 35 years old, I noticed that I had a few women friends who seemed to have it together. They were confident, self-assured, comfortable in their own skin. They didn't seem preoccupied with needing everyone's approval. They weren't constrained by arbitrary cultural norms for appropriate role behavior. If the norm suited them, fine. If not, they made up their own rules for their own situation.
These women had voices. And they used them to speak up - to agree, to disagree, to point out inconsistencies and injustices. They spoke up just to share their opinions, to have their vote counted as though it was a legitimate contribution. They didn't hesitate with self doubt and, I hasten to add, they didn't abuse the privilege by being overbearing.
They carried themselves with an air of self-legitimacy, taking their rightful place among other respected men and women. They didn't seem to need to convince anyone of anything. They didn't try to earn the right to be reckoned with. They just showed up assuming they had it. Incredible!
Then I noticed that they all had something in common. They were all over 50 years old. I asked one of these women, "What's the deal with you? What is your secret? You seem so comfortable, so self-confident." "I'm not a people pleaser anymore," she replied, matter-of-factly. "Oh, and menopause happened." Menopause? Apparently, it has something to do with estrogen levels dropping and then that unmasks the testosterone that's been there all along, waiting to finally have its day.
So, I decided to start menopause at the age of 35. I liked what I saw and I wanted some of it. I got a jump on all that self-empowerment. I decided to start even before the hormone changes started. I figured when I hit 50, I'd get to be a gifted student for the first time in my life. I found out that parents aren't the only ones who get to use the phrase, "because I said so." It's a very freeing thing to say. Try it right now, "because I said so." Nice, huh?
Those of you who are in your twenties, I am so sorry. That is such a tough time, always being simultaneously anxious about and devastated by what everyone thinks of you. How exhausting! I totally understand why you feel that way; our culture does that to you. I remember. But take heart. You, too, can choose to start menopause anytime you want. Imagine the gifted student you will be by the time you arrive at your 50th birthday!
Stop Being the Jailer and the Jailed
Just decide today that you want to be free. You want to figure out who YOU are and what YOU want. Take back your Life. Silence the noise of your family, the culture, the advertising and the myths you unwittingly bought into. You are plenty. You deserve to be here. In fact, you have a responsibility to be here to share your particular gifts. I am meant to be gifted by you. So show up! Let's hear that voice! Start menopause!
Because I said so!
What are your thoughts?I would love to hear from you! Really! Please take a moment and submit a comment.You all write such nice emails to me and I would love for them to be published for all to read. Thanks!
Make this easy for yourself! Let me come to you!
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